Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
