btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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