I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
