dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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