i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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