I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
