Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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