I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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