I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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