he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
