We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
