watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
