At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize