it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
