god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
