WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
