the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
