I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
