It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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