How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
