Tell her she can't have a vagina
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
