so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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