I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
