I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hippo gnu deer
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
