Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
