I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
