He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
