he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
