Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
