He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
