So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
