Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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