I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
