What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
