just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
