I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
