dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
