I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
