the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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