I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
