not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
