Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do vagina's smell?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
