I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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