i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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