Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Who died my cat blue again?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
