I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last time i carry you out of a forest
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need to calm my uterus...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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