i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
