you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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