You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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