Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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