Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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