Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
