That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
