Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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