so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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