Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
