Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
