Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
