I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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