We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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