How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
pray to the hookup gods
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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