There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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